Are you a secret Blameologist?!?
Listed Under: Blog
According to the Office for National Statistics the average Brit works a 37.5 hour week. BUT, before you say it, we have a funny feeling, many of you reading this article will pull in way more than that! So, let’s say roughly 25% of your time a week is devoted to work, and therefore the colleagues you work with. When you factor in sleep and travel, that’s a lot of time spent with people that you may not ordinarily choose to. So, how can we better understand, nurture and grow these relationships? Afterall, if we spend over a quarter of our time with these people, then we should put some effort in…right?
We often endure or suffer frustrations with work colleagues that can be avoided. If we have a better understanding of them and more importantly, ourselves, we might be able to change this. Now, whilst not a word in the Oxford English Dictionary (before you go looking it up), ‘Blameology’ is a new terminology which is described in the Urban Dictionary (which everyone is using these days). However, we think you’ll already be able to guess what it means? It's the ‘Science of not accepting personal responsibility by blaming others for your own faults’. We are all probably responsible for it, we blame our bad luck, work misfortune or issues in the workplace on others…but, have you ever stopped to think that it could just be you!
Now, here at EM Coaching, we don’t have the perfect answer to all of your working relationship problems (sorry) but what we do enjoy doing is making life easier for you. We’ve been busy and want to help you better understand yourself, how you come across and how you react to things. So, here’s some recommended reading (or listening) for you to help you improve those all-important relationships:
1. Men are from mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray (1992).
Although now a little dated, (and has also received heavy criticism for stereotyping), this book is actually a pretty good basic starting point. If taken with a pinch of salt, Gray gives us a basis of understanding the fundamental psychological differences between the sexes. Whilst the book is based around relationship advice, this might also be useful when applied in the workplace environment. Some of Gray’s ideas can be extracted and conveyed into your worklife. They may even help you improve how you communicate with others and therefore positively impact the way others communicate with you. In the ever-changing quest of understanding our work colleagues, their reactions to things and the way they react to stress, there may be some glimmers of useful truth hidden in this book for you to apply. You may also learn a bit about yourself and how to improve your home life too?!?
2. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ by Daniel Goleman (1995).
Goleman's work in the 90's on emotional intelligence (EI), popularised the idea that it is simply not sufficient enough for managers to have a high IQ and be technically skilled. He suggests that more factors are required to be ‘smart’. He demonstrates that emotions play a far greater role in our thought processes and our decision making than is commonly acknowledged. Goleman shows how emotional intelligence can be nurtured and strengthened in all of us, thus allowing us to excel in life and flourish in the workplace. The book hits some pertinent topics such as; impulse control, persistence, motivation, empathy, social deftness and self-awareness. In his own words, Goleman promises it will ‘help your relationships flourish and you to become a star in the workplace’.
We like this book as it is an easy read, despite delving into the depths of human psychology he writes it in such a way that can even be absorbed by the humble layperson. The chapters are broken down into easy bite-size chunks and allows for reflection between each section. With more and more organisations basing their selection and recruitment processes around soft skills and EI, this is a must read for anyone who wants to understand themselves better.
Leading consultant psychiatrist, Peters, talks of impulsive behaviour and how nagging self-doubt can impact negatively on our professional and personal lives. He gives us a good understanding of our own behaviour and natural responses to certain people or situations. This knowledge combined with the simple techniques offered could allow you to balance out your own or others’ reactions to situations. Peters reassures us that the techniques can be easily incorporated into daily working life, to reach your full potential, lead to success in the workplace and a more harmonious and happier life all round. His seemingly complex concepts are made simple with the use of memorable analogies, one being the ‘chimp’, which we think we can all associate with! If you suffer with a quick temper or tend to stew on situations, this is book certainly what you need in your life!
Unfortunately, when it comes to our rather complex work relationships, there’s a lot to consider. Now, we’re not superheroes, we can’t all be the perfect colleagues all the time. Things outside of work affect our mood, our temper and our fatigue levels, just to name a few. Of course, we will always face differences of opinion and simply sometimes just don’t see eye to eye with certain people. What we can do is be proactive in developing our understanding of our complex colleagues and how others might react to certain situations. That way, we can be prepared to deal with the fallout.
So, do your colleagues a favour, learn about them and more importantly yourself. We’re a tricky bunch us humans. Remember, it’s not all about you, and it’s not always everyone else’s fault. If you consider others in the workplace, you might be surprised what you get in return, believe us, we’ve tried it! So, don’t be a ‘Blameologist’, put some work in to understanding the people around you but more importantly, understand yourself!
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